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Monthly Archives: May 2011
Rule of Life #3
It’s important to use cup holders instead of your crotch to hold your Iced Venti Americano. Because it’s 90 degrees out, you guys. And your cup is sweatin’ like the fat kid in gym class. And the public doesn’t typically assume that … Continue reading
Posted in Rules of Life
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If Violet Could Talk Today…
she would say, “Stop rocking me. Stop shushing in my ear. Stop hummmmmming mom! Stop asking if I’m tired!!!!! I’m NOT tired I AM JUST CRABBY!!!!!!!!!”
Posted in My Baby
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Sexy Muffins
I hate Starbucks muffins. They are baked in these decorative, tall, paper muffin cups that extend over the sides of the entire muffin. Aesthetically, this is very pleasing. They look a little fancier than muffins baked in the traditional shortie muffin … Continue reading
Posted in I'm Sure You'll Agree...
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Dear Violet,
You have taught me more about life in your short 14 months with us than I ever could have known without you. My heart would never have been this big had you not come into my world, and made it more beautiful. With … Continue reading
Posted in Dear Violet
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Rule of Life #2
People who use “EXIT ONLY” lanes to cut me off merge into traffic instead of just staying in the lane that they intend to travel on should catch on fire. Or their engines should explode. Or they should have to … Continue reading
Posted in I'm Sure You'll Agree..., Rules of Life
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Reason # 1,283,953 That I’m Glad I’m Not Single.
Dan: Well…the shower should drain better for you now. Me: Why…what was wrong with it? Dan: If you really want to know, look in the trashcan in the bathroom before you go to bed. I liked it, so I put … Continue reading
Posted in My Husband is So Awesome
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Things You Would Have Heard If You Were Tapping My Cell Phone
Megan: It freakin’ snowed up here today Me: Oh. That sucks. It was 70 and sunny here Megan: I want to cut off your big toe. Me: No you don’t. Megan: Oh, but I do. To ruin your flip-flop season. … Continue reading
Posted in Life and Things and Stuff
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Dear Violet
I’m really sorry that your first encounters with the sweet nectar that is Taco Bell’s Mild Sauce occurred as a result of your mommy spilling it on you, dozens of times while eating cheese quesadillas over you while you slept on her lap … Continue reading
Posted in Dear Violet, Taco Bell!
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